The role of a mother , being a guide for the children, helping them to be independent, transmitting love and respect to them. These three things are basic in parenting, and do not depend on the mother’s social status or culture. Being a mother is a multitasking job: psychologist, nurse, cook, dietitian, coach, teacher, chauffeur, seamstress who is also on duty 365 days a year and therefore each and every one of those days should be Mother’s Day .
If you are already a mother all this will sound familiar to you and if you are pregnant, do not be scared, to be a mother you learn day by day and it is a wonderful learning. In another article we already talked about how to help children learn to read, today we tell you more about the role of a mother.
Throughout the history of humanity, mothers were the ones who took care of raising, keeping the house, preparing food while men went ‘hunting’ and then went to work to survive. The woman has also always worked, but it was more at home, preparing food or cultivating the land.
THE ROLE OF A MOTHER
The role of the mother in modern society is quite complex. We women are no longer waiting for the husband at home, while we are raising our children. This does not mean that we are not good mothers, as we say, every day they should celebrate Mother’s Day , but that we have to know how to combine or in fact reconcile being women and being mothers at the same time, without these having to seem impossible.
Speaking of the role of a mother , what aspects are basic to be a good mother?
- DON’T TRY TO BE PERFECT
I put it first because there are many women who ‘set the bar so high’ that they end up developing anxiety. In the role of a mother (or in any other activity) it is good to try to improve every day, but “in the mother’s job” you will have to live with unforeseen events that will make it difficult to achieve ‘perfection’. Dirt, fights, things that break, mess. Pretending everything is perfect is an impossible task, because there will always be something that can be improved. It’s okay to be demanding, but from time to time think that we all have the right to be wrong, also for perfect statues or mannequins in shop windows, but they are not human.
- SHOW YOUR CHILDREN THAT THEY ARE LOVED
The love of a mother is something very important in the development of children . The mother is a reference, she gives us security. For a child to know that her mother (and father) love her and show her affection, attention kiss her caress, it is important for her good physical and social development. In fact babies who have grown up in orphanages with little physical contact and little affection grow up with more problems, since they develop stress.
Telling children that you love them, kissing them, hugging them, repeating to them every day how important they are to us, all these things are ‘magic wands’ for children’s self-esteem. No child should grow up without feeling the love of his family , it is something we all need.
Now, showing affection is one thing, and ‘pampering’ or giving him everything he wants is another. Showing affection is basic in the role of a mother, but so is setting limits.
- ACCEPT YOUR CHILDREN AS THEY ARE
Along with the point of showing love to your children, with kisses, hugs and good words, you must also accept your children as they are. Being a mother is not just a stage that develops while the children are young. The role of a mother is forever so that over the years you will realize that your children become adults and in the process they may do things, make decisions or have opinions that you do not share, but that you must respect and above all assume.
There are no perfect mothers, and this is something that we assume with time and experience, but we should also tell ourselves that there are no perfect children or at least not the concept of a child that perhaps you have idealized. You may envy your friend’s son because he always picks up his plate after dinner, or because he is a responsible teenager, while yours is the opposite. You must educate your children well, teach them from a very young age, and of course, take into account their innate personality and the fact that it is impossible for them to be sweet and innocent children for the rest of their lives. They will grow, so if you assume the growth process of your children as something natural and inevitable, you will be able to see and know more and more what the personality of your son or daughter is like and in time you will accept it without problem.
- SET LIMITS
From a very young age children should know that there are things that are ‘not negotiable’, and others where it can be negotiated . Limits help children in their learning. Limits such as respect for others, learning to obey, not hitting or mistreating other people. In short, do not do to anyone what we do not like to do to us.
From a very young age they have to learn that there are things they have to do and that neither crying nor kicking will make them stop doing them. Children ‘test’ to see how they can manipulate you with their behavior. If a boy or girl with her tantrums ‘realizes’ achieves what she wants, she will repeat the tantrum. However, if a child throws a tantrum and meets a serene, affectionate mother and father but ‘who do not give in’ to their cries, they will stop tantrums and look for other alternatives.
- ENCOURAGE CHILDREN TO BE INDEPENDENT
This point is vital, because there are mothers who seem not to want their children to become independent , it seems to them that “it is like they are getting older before their time.” However, the best thing for the child is to learn to do things by himself as soon as possible .
Things of course according to their age. For example, take your plate or glass to the kitchen, (and you can do this when you are already very small). With 2 or 3 years old, start putting on a piece of clothing like your pajamas. Later, only brush your teeth, shower alone (this is already from 5 years and first with supervision, if for example you have a bathtub and no shower you have to be careful. A bathtub full of water can be a danger. However if you have a conventional shower if they can shower alone from 4-5 years).
There are a thousand and one things that you can think of so that depending on the age of your child, he can learn to do them alone. Then you congratulate him and make him see, “Very well, you did it yourself”, if he doesn’t do it right the first time, nothing happens, we have to tell him to keep practicing. This helps the child to be more secure and feel valuable.
- LEARN FROM YOUR PAST
Before assuming the role of mother, we have had to be daughters so that it will not hurt to remember the experiences we lived as such in the past and the education we received from our parents. If you had a good mother and a good father , who went out of their way to take care of you as best they knew, or who could, you will possibly take on a similar role with your own children.
In the case of having a bad experience as a daughter, you must assume that the fault of what happened was not yours. Many times, girls and boys who have paused due to trauma due to their parents repeat the same pattern when they have children. This is a serious issue that must be dealt with by specialists, but yourself, and in this case you as a mother, you must remember what has happened to you in the past and prevent your children from going through the same thing. In this case the key is to learn from mistakes, but not yours as a daughter, but those of your parents.
WHY DO WE QUESTION OURSELVES AS MOTHERS?
Questioning whether you are a good mother or not is part of describing a mother’s role. It is what motivates mothers to do better and handle things, even when we don’t think we can.
So when the question “Am I a good mother?” hits you, do not let negative thoughts, fear or doubts be the judge of your worth as a mother. Look at your children and ask yourself if you are satisfied with the education you are giving them, if so, the question of whether or not you are a good mother will solve itself.